Saturday, September 26, 2009

Random Venting

Sometimes i just dont know...
you would think that me of all people would learn my lesson.
I would get it.
I wouldn't want to walk back down the road I have so many times.
I'm having a rough time with Andy.

Why is it that i so willingly give my whole self to someone
and the only thing they give back is more heart ache than the last.

I feel sad for him that he will never truly love.
That he assumes lust as love.
He so easily let his lust for someone else get the best of him.
Regardless of the girl that was at home,
the girl that was working so very hard to make sure we stayed a float
when he didn't want to work.

Now today I sit..
He sent a text he deleted all pictures off his phone and myspace.
No big deal to anyone else right?
Well when asked to do the same i couldn't.
I sat and looked and realized that was a memory.
It was a time when i felt happy.

I hope this time around i get it..
i don't want to walk down this road of hurt anymore
I so badly don't want to be here ever again.

i love you. I will always love you. You brought out a side of me I didn't know was there. You helped me realize its okay to not have a plan, its okay to spend even when you shouldn't. Life is too short to sit and dwell on everything wrong. I want to see that guy again someday. That guy that made me smile. The guy that tried to be something else because he wanted to impress me that very first night. I hope you find that guy and give him fully to the next person who loves you as much as i love that guy....

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