Sunday, February 8, 2009

This month marks one year of me getting pregnant.
Its so hard to look back at the months before that.
I was so sad, I was so lonely, I didn't know who I was or where I was headed.
Something that seemed like a disaster,
has somehow helped me find who I am.
In the last year so many things have changed.
So many lives have been touched.
From a crisis pregnancy.
Its a scary thought when I sit back and think about where I was headed,
If this Angel wasnt sent to me.
I automatically knew my choice the day I found out I was pregnant.
It wasnt even something I questioned.
I was scared to death.
People that dont know me so well want to think that maybe my family had influence in my choice.
No they didnt.
Who was I to say " You dont deserve what I had. Parents that planned for you. A family that has be anxiously waiting for you"
This month has been and probably will be one of the most changing for me.
My Angel turns 3 months old today.
Crazy how long ago that was, but just how tender the scares still are.
I am doing my first outreach to a high school of girls on 3/12.
Im nervous, excited & anxious to be able to share my story with them and be a part of something amazing.
I am going for my very first visit to Josh & Lizzy.
Man I cant wait to hold that girl and tell her I love her from my own mouth.
To kiss her little face & remind her that I miss her every single breath that I take.
To breath in her beautiful baby smell because It feels like its been forever since i held her in my arms.
I thank my heavenly father every single day for sharing Mara with me.
For letting her come into my life.
She alone has saved me.


5 comments:

Kara said...

love you katty

LDS Family Services Birth Parent Group said...

Hey Katt, I loved your post, would you share it on our blog? By the way, outreach is 2/12, not 3/12, you know that right?
I'm so excited for you to have your visit, I hope it is everything you have hoped for. See ya soon!

Norma said...

Thank tou for the comment. You did awesome today at the outreach!

mikestribe said...

We are so proud of you and the path you are taking toward being the best you. We really want you to be truly happy. Love, mom

Michelle said...

YOU are amazing!

my family didn't have an influence on my decision either. my dad didn't understand the whole thing and wasn't looking at the big picture. all he saw was me giving my first born to someone else. his first grandson would not be helping him in the garage, but someone else. he wouldn't be the one taking him to football games and teaching him things only a grandpa could. he thought i was taking the easy way out ... as much as i tried to assure him that he would and could be as much a part of his sweet grandson's life, he didn't believe me until he met shannon + jeff ... my saving grace.

i knew the moment that i got a "positive" test result what i had to do ... i knew that i would never feel at peace knowing that my child deserved more but i kept that from him. i would never be enough for him and neither would his father.

wow ... i have written a novel now. but good luck with your out reach! you'll do great!