Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Everything'll Be Alright..

Lyrics to Everything'll Be Alright (Will's Lullaby) :
Way down, in New York town
Thinking about the way she loved me
There's a hole in my pocket
That's about her size
But I think everything
Is gonna be alright
Yes I hope everything
Is gonna be alright

The smiling face, straight in LA
The gifts are found at the bar
But I wish my car
Could drive to her tonight
Then I'd know everything
Is gonna be alright
Yes then I'd know
It'll be alright

The rain in New Orleans, forgot to end
But the mouths of the people are dry
And we watch and wait
And do nothing but sigh
And hope everything
Is gonna turn alright
But I don't know
If it'll be alright

But I look at you, warm in your dream
While your mobile dances above
And I think to myself
It's a beautiful night
And I know everything
Is gonna be alright
Yes now I know
It'll be alright

16 Months ago my heart was about to break.
I was the one breaking it, buckling a huge piece of it into her car seat, telling her I loved her, telling her she would always be "my girl", kissing her cheeks for the last time in awhile.

Last month Josh & Lizzy asked if they could come visit. Whoo Hoo! I was excited! I love them they are so dear to my heart. They have a piece of my heart. They comforted my aches and pains in sweet letters that i've read numerous times in hours of darkness. They have waited so patiently for this sweet angel to be in their lives. . They are the ones that will relay to my girl how much i love her. How much she is a part of me and my heart.

As the days dwindle down to just 3 I am overwhelmed. I find myself crying at every moment when im alone. I am nervous. I am scared. I am aching.

The last times Ive went and visited the Iggys, I left fine. Well the blessing wasnt perfect in anyway. It was emotional and I didnt say goodbye in the best way. None the less it was on my terms I guess. I was the one leaving her happy house, seeing how happy she was in that little house with her ever so loving parents. I was the one buckling myself into the car and driving away.

In 3 days I am going to have to buckle her in all over again and send her on her way. I could compare this feeling to the feeling of leaving the hospital with yourself in one car and your baby in another. That was my goodbye. That was my see you soon. I am scared to relive that. To hug the Iggys goodbye.. This goodbye is going to be just as painful as the first and I cant find anyway to prepare myself for it. .

Its going to be amazing to see her. To kiss her. To tell her how much I love her. To just hold that piece of my heart and feel whole for just one minute. .