The Gift We Could Not Give Each Other

She gave more than just one life
When she made of this man and wife
A father and a mother when she gave the gift
We could not give each other

More than we can ever say
Our hearts give thanks to heaven
Every time we hold this child we feel we hold the world
Words wil never be enough to share the way our family feels
But with every breath we breathe we want to tell that girl
NOT A DAY IS EVER THROUGH
TILL WE THANK THE LORD FOR YOU
And sweetness lingers here
In our hearts and thoughts and prayers

You gave more than just one life
When you made of this man and wife a father and a mother
And you gave the gift we could not give each other
You have changed our lives forever
ONLY YOU AND GOD ABOVE COULD GIVE THE GIFT OF LOVE
We could not give each other

The Best Christmas Gift

Today I received my pictures from Cindy. This truelly was the best gift I could of received for Christmas! I couldnt wait, the anticipation had been building up since that day that seems oh so long ago.... As I looked through them I was in awe. They were SOO beautiful. Cindy did an amazing job and captured Kristofer at just the best times! She took so many I couldnt decide which ones to put on my blog! Mara looks so little. It all seems to be fading into a distant memory that is not so painful anymore. I am glad to be called a Birth Mother. I am thankful that I can call Josh and Lizzy Mom and Dad to Mara. I am forever greatful that I can be Katt in my Maras eyes, and she has a beautiful and loving Mother....

Its that lovely time of year again, when it feels like every Sunday were having Christmas dinner with one or the other side of my parents families. Over the last years I have grown to LOVE being around my family. Its always so much fun. We laugh, we fight, kids get bumps & bruises but thats what family is for, right?! Tonight we had Mexican food at Dawns with my mamas sisters Lori & Cheri. My cousins who used to be so little have grown to be almost bigger than me!! Where has the time gone! I always love catching up with my aunts they are so funny and so dang cute! We need to catch up more ladies! Merry Christmas!

5 Weeks

I cant believe it already been 5 quick wks since I delivered that beautiful angel Mara! I got my very first package from Josh & Lizzy! It was just like Christmas. I held it for a minute, just looking, afraid at the contents.. It was FILLED with a little card, some fun things for Kristofer, and some pictures! Pictures I will FOREVER cherish and keep some where close just so I can look at them whenever I need a reminder of why I made this choice. Remind myself every day of that Im striving for, what my goals have changed for! I am so lucky to have such a close relationship and her mommy and daddy. They truelly amaze me. Open Adoption is so great with out it I wouldnt be getting such amazing pictures of that little angel!!

*Disneyland*

Kristofer, Grandpa, and I went to Disneyland last weekend! It was so much fun! Kristofer now claims after the fact that Tower of Terror was his FAVORITE ride! Yes maybe when we were on the ground! He insisted on sitting in the very front of Splash Mountain, yet SCREAMED the whole time! He wasnt scared of heights it was the dark! Just like his mama! We watched the fireworks in front of Its A Small World, the light show on the side of the building was AMAZING! it snowed at the end, I wont even lie I cried! On Monday we were lucky and got fast passes for all the rides with long lines, we only stayed half the day and used only 2 so we gave them to some small family of 5! Lucky them! Thank you Daddy for taking us! It was so much fun!

Happy Thanksgiving

Yay! Its time for the holidays! Today all the big bunch of us got together for Thanksgiving. There were like 30 people here! It was really nice to be able to spend some time with the whole family, we dont get to see some of you that often! Now that Thanksgiving is over I can put up the Christmas tree!! WHOO HOO!

Thank You Cindy!

As most of you know, before Josh, Lizzy & little Mara left back for Vegas, we had a photo session with a friend of my case workers * Audra*. Cindy was amazing and I know I will forever be greatful for that gift she has given us! She posted the pictures on her website and Im not sure if I was allowed but I stole one! Go check them out when I get them I will post them right away! lilypstudio.com

My Very Special Week

The last week I have had the honor of placing my beautiful daughter Mara with her new parents. I placed her with them Monday afternoon, it was a very emotional time, not just sad but very happy. Wednesday morning I went in to sign my relinquishment papers, just like a bandaide I ripped it off and got right to the point so I could spend as much time with Mara as possible. Josh and Lizzy got released in RECORD time, a total of 25 hours! They didnt leave even though I was very afraid that they would, in my mind it set how they would be the rest of Maras life. We had a very special photo shoot on Saturday with a friend of Audras * my caseworker* with Kristofer. He really loved being able to hold his baby sister all by himself! Josh and Lizzy came to my parents Sunday before they left for home. Im sure they were super ready to get back! I was lucky enough to be blessed with such an amazing couple! Josh and Lizzy have become more than just the couple who adopted my daughter, they are family, and my best friends. We have a bond that I could never have with anyone else. I wouldnt of been able to make it through as well as I have without them being the amazing people they are. As they got ready to leave on Sunday, the only thing I wanted to tell them was * Thank you for loving my daughter, giving her the family that is whole, and making sure she has enough kisses and love for two mothers!*

From Gods Arms, To My Arms, To Yours

From God’s Arms, To My Arms, To Yours


So many wrong decisions in my past,
I'm not quite sure if I could ever hope to trust my judgment anymore.
But lately I've been thinking, because it's all I've had to do.
And in my heart I feel that I should give this child to you.

And maybe you can tell your baby when you love him so
that he's been loved before
by someone who delivered your son
from God's arms to my arms to yours.

And if you choose to tell him and if he wants to know
how the one who gave him life could bear to let him go,
just tell him there was sleepless nights I prayed and paced the floor
and knew the only peace I'd find is if this child was yours.

And maybe you can tell your baby when you love him so
that he's been loved before
by someone who delivered your son
from God's arms to my arms to yours.

I know that you don't have to do this, but could you kiss him once for me
the first time that he ties his shoe or falls or skins his knees?
and could you hold him twice as long when he makes his first mistake
and try to tell him that he's not alone? Sometimes that's all it takes.
And he's not alone. I know how much he'll ache.

And maybe you can tell your baby when you love him so
that he's been loved before
by someone who delivered your son
from God's arms to my arms to yours.

This may not be the answer for another girl like me
and I'm not on a soap box singing how we all should be.
I'm just trusting in my feelings and I'm trusting God above,
and I'm trusting that you can give this baby both his mother's love.

And maybe you can tell your baby when you love him so
that he's been loved before
by someone who delivered your son
from God's arms to my arms to yours.

The baby is coming YAY!

As of today the doctor set me up for induction on Saturday November 8th at 9 am! I am so excited to be skinny again! Also for the fact that Lizzy and Josh will finally get their little baby girl!

YAY! Its Halloween Time Again

This year Kristofer has decided to be a Ninja. We went to out annual Trunk or Treat Saturday Oct 18th. Emilee was Hannah Montana, Julia was a 50s girl, Adams girls were both witches! The kids had so much fun walking around getting candy! While Stef, Jordan and myself sat and passed out candy to the kids. We all enjoyed the fun when we got home. Including my moms new wife Mikina ;)

Our California Vacation

July of 2008 for Pauls 17h birthday the parents decided to take a family trip to California. Jordan and Myself decided it would be a nice time for a vacation so we joined in the party! We actually made the party with the * Party Car * Complete with feather boas, Hannah Montana, and the Drinkin Bone! The Laytons also came along. I had the great idea of taking river tubes to the beach, I mean seriously who does that. We did and it was SOO much more fun than any other floation device we have ever had at the beach! We made sand castles and just spent all day with the great family. The boys went to Magic Mountain during the day that we went to the beach, man they missed out!

Kristofer Turns 5!

I love that Kristofer is so simple! When asked what he wanted for his birthday party he replied * Swimming, pizza, and a Ninja Turtle cake * He was joined with his cousins and friends, Grandmas and Grandpas, Aunts and Uncles! It was a beautiful day and he loved it. Except for one minor fall off the trampoline onto the cement!

Mara Pearleane

Miss Mara is growing so much every day! It feels like just last week I found out I was expecting. Just a few short months ago I found her parents who will be loving and caring for her in this life and the next

The Wonderful Thing We Call Family

I have grown over the last few years to love my family. As a teenager you never fully appreciate what they do for you. I love every single one of those crazy brothers and sisters I have. Everyone of them helps me though life and they dont even know it!