Thursday, May 27, 2010
Is It Always Going To Be This Way...
Some days I wonder if its always going to be this way.
The way when someone asks how many kids do you have?
What do I reply? I have one son but I have birthed 2 children...
Will I ever stop considering her mine?
Is it wrong to even feel that she is mine?
Dont get me wrong I am beyond proud to call my self a birth mother.
I am proud to be a birth mother in the era where its ok, were we are praised and not looked down on.
Whenever some one asks how many children I have and I just answer one,
my heart breaks a little.
I can feel that scab being ripped open all over again.
Will it forever sting when Im asked how many children I have,
or will that ache slowly go away when I answer one?
May is always such a tough month.
I was finally on my own facing a pregnancy by myself.
Rights signed, and there was no one stopping me from making the choices I needed to make.
Memorial day is the day I found Josh & Lizzy.
The day I sat at my parents computer, and felt chills as I saw their profile.
Knowing just than that they were it.
There was no choice to be made.
I was going to entrust these two people to love my daughter.
That beautiful woman on the screen in front of me was going to be my baby girls mother.
She was the one I was going to entrust with enough kisses for two mothers.
& he, he was going to be the dad my little girl would never have with me.
At this time I hadnt set a name or anything because deep down I was trying not to get too attached.
She was just my little girl.
Maybe not forever, but until November she was Mine.