Thursday, June 4, 2009

As everything draws closer it brings me to remember...

Ill never forget that day.
Memorial Day 2008.
Went to the river tubing,
had a fight with Jordan,
Got coffee with my friend Sean,
& went to mom & dads for the comfort of their home.
For only a week had I been looking.
Emilee & I sat at the computer.
Countless faces that just yearn for a baby.
I had it all figured out.
A clear image of what I thought they would be.
What I needed for my daughter.
If it wasnt going to be me parenting her,
it HAD to be someone just like me.
A father like mine.
A husband that I hoped one day to find.
& yet NO ONE seemed right.
.......
Than there it was,
A loving couple who still have time for cookies & milk.
They were beautiful.
I looked over their profile.
Read their personal letter.
They had a link to their blog.
The same blog I wonder to daily.
& I just knew.
There was no question in my mind.
Every birthmother says it the same way,
you just know.
I got very excited.
I had told myself that I would not write anyone
unless I was sure.
I didnt want to give anyone false hope.
So I wrote a simple email.
..........
3 days went by without an email.
I was confused.
Turns out it was sent to my junk mail lol.
We emailed and emailed.
I wanted to meet them.
June 21 2008.
We met for the very first time.
Joes Bbq in Gilbert.
I was nervous, scared, could hardly breath.
Nothing to be afraid of.
Just like 2 old friends,
we chatted for almost 3 hours.
Weekend came & went.
As everything is getting so close to the year mark.
I cant help but go back to those days.
The days of being pregnant & alone.
The days of fear of what was next,
what was gonna happen after?
June 6th 2009, Mara Jane is theirs.
Sealed & blessed and forever theirs.
The list of emotions is long as I prepare to leave.
Although I cant wait to see that beautiful face,
I am scared for the roller coaster of emotions
that I am so not prepared for,
in the next few days ahead.......

6 comments:

Michelle said...

you will do wonderfully. it will be difficult, but it's everything you've wanted for her. more hapy tears than there are sad. :)

just smile!

Cami said...

I don't think we are ever quite sure what to expect and if we are ready. I took time that day of her blessing and just had time to me, time to reflect. Some how I was able to enjoy the rest of the day. =)

Hope all is well, and you enjoy yourself. Hugs for the way. And I'm here, can't wait to hear all about it.

Kara said...

*tears* hope everything goes well! i love to hear the story of how all this came about. Its happy/sad, but mostly , and makes me cry

Kara said...

I meant *but mostly happy

Alex said...

I can't even imagine everything that you have gone through with this. My prayers are with you. Love ya girly!

KeLSie ORdonEz said...

Of course I remember you Katt! (although seeing your name as Katarina threw me off, lol)

Thank you so much for your comment! I just read pretty much your whole blog, and I can't even imagine how hard it would be for you. I thought of that song "From Gods Arms, To My Arms, To Yours" and was going to tell you to listen to it, then realized you already have(or atleast the lyrics.)Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us, and I am positive He is grateful for the selfless sacrifice you gave to the other family. I checked out their blog, too. What a cute little family, and Mara is sooo adorable. I know they are SO grateful for the decision you made. Just think, too, that you gave them something they wanted for so long and could not give each other. Sam and I are strongly thinking about adoption, although it might be a year or so. We decided to set a deadline. If we do not get pregnant by a certain date, then we will start the adoption process.

Anyways, you seem to be doing pretty good. I know you will have sad/hard times, but you seem to know that this was the right thing to do for you and her. Hang in there and keep up with your group. I know how talking to people going through the same thing as you is so much more comforting and easier to get through, then feeling like you are alone and no one understands. I like to talk to people in my same situation. They now how you feel and help make it a little more hopeful and easier.

I know there is a plan for everything and God has His own timing, but I just can't seem to understand right now, which I am sure is/was the same for you. Hang in there!

I can't believe how big Kristofer is. I remember seeing him when he was like 1 or 2. He seems like a great kid and you seem to have so much fun together! I love all your pictures, too with your family! They are soo cute!

I am so excited you get to go to Vegas to see Mara! Hope you have fun and enjoy it! Take lots of pictures and post them!!

Thanks again for your comment--I appreciate it so much, you have no idea! (Sorry this ended up WAY longer than I expected.)