There is so much I am feeling right now.

So many things have been going through my head & my heart.

I do not know how to put into words how I feel.

But I will leave it at this....

Not one day goes by that I don't think of you sweet Mara.

My heart is happy knowing your happy.

I love seeing pictures of you having a morning dance fest with Ella.

I love you sweet girl.

xoxoxox

Katt

8. A Moment

The Moment I realized I was going to be ok.

After placing Mara, I thought that my heart was going to forever be part broken.
That even though I knew this was right, & had no regrets, a piece of my heart was not with me,
Which left me, broken.
One day, not too long ago, I woke up & felt ok.
Everything was ok. Everything was alright.
I was not broken anymore.

I miss her every single day.
Every single day I think about her.
Every single day I hope for the next day I see her to be soon.
I love her with my whole heart,
seeing her happy reminds me that, she is ok & im ok.
This is the life we both needed.

7. My Best Friend

This one is tough.
I mean really I dont have anyone I consider my "Best Friend"



I guess Im going with my sisters,
I know I can call anyone of them at any time & they are there for me.
Always.

Is there a worm in that box?

Lets step back a few weeks. Emilee & I were out shopping as a friendly reminder to Andy that I would love to be his wife, i picked up a few adds from the jewelry stores, by a few i mean every store in the mall... Later that night Andy and i went somewhere, i cleverly left the adds in the car on the seat for the next time he got in. He asked if id like him to put those in the recycle can for me... Hint taken.

Yesterday at the mall again, with Emilee of course, i pick up the same adds. Come strolling in, get andee kae situated and sit at the table circling all the rings i love. Doesnt even faze the man!

This morning started out hectic, woke up late, worked all day. Andy asked if i wanted to do something tonight.. Random i think. I even make a point to tell my sister that andys being extra nice today. We decide to go to Rach & Dustys for bbq, no need for me to make dinner. Em, Shaine, Paulie, Dusty, Rach, & Andee kae. Sitting in the back yard talking about I dont even remember what! Andy is holding the little honey, she of course is being banshee because its after 7, bed time. I tell Andy im ready to go home.

Andy reaches for his pocket, with this smirk on his face. The im up to something smirk. I ask who hes texting, because my first thought is hes texting some one about something that who knows what with him. ( thats always how the RC cars talk gets started) . He pulls this box out of his pocket, drops to one knee, my hands at this point are over my lips, i feel like i cant breath, and he asks me to be his wife. I just kept asking is this a trick!!!!!! I expected there to be a worm in the box because Andy would do that just to make me laugh, although I would not laugh.

I didnt know I could ever feel so happy as I am right now. My mouth wants to smile & I cant believe this is real. Tomorrow I will wake up still wondering if this is a trick. If he is going to take it back! We have talked wedding and are thinking next year, earlier on in the year. For sure want a destination wedding, nothing to crazy, just relaxing day with the love of my life, our children, & the people we love!

Thank you Andy for making me the happiest i have ever been. I cant wait to be your wife.

but lets please think about the hyphen for Pitstick' Gillespie.. xoxo

So Many Unknowns

As the time for Vegas gets closer i am getting more nervous.
I am so excited for my friends Sarah and Bub to get married!
they are the CUTEST couple! 3 handsome boys and oh so adorable together.
its my visit with mara that has me anxious.
I know with josh and liz everything will be great,
i love them to death. We have this bond that very few understand.
Its comfortable. They ease my anxiety.
Im most worried about Mara,
Every time i see her its something new.
I wonder what, if anything at all Josh and Lizzy have told her about me.
I wonder in her little 2 year old mind does she know she grew in Katts belly?
Has she seen pictures of me and kind of understands that she is part of me?
Every time from this time on, she will be older, able to understand a little bit more..
and im nervous about it.
What if she doesnt like me. What if she doesnt want to know me.
This was all easier when she was little,
id rather just be Katt family friend who loves that girl more than words can explain.
Regardless of what she knows or doesnt know. im excited to see her gorgeous face,
meet her little sister, and hug josh and lizzy.
Emotionally im drained. my heart is heavy,
heres to a night of wondering just what miss mara knows.
Two weeks of anxiety but anxious to see them.
and knowing all my fears will be calmed once i see her and her perfect family!

14 days and counting... EEEEK!

6. Your Day

Today has been very uneventful.
Just the way I like it.
I woke up, took a shower, put some laundry in, went to walgreens & petsmart, did some dishes, changed the laundry, & then it happened, the worst part of my day so far.
I held off on nursing Andee Kae this morning, because in 3 short weeks I will be in Vegas, & sadly she will be here with Dawn & my mom. At the current time a bottle is not something she considers. She makes this horrible sad face, one that screams out " your breaking my heart! why would you try & do this to me" Its time to stop the nursing. We had our first battle at 9:30. It lasted for 20 minutes, there were arms & legs flying everywhere, screaming & tears, & two broken hearts. At the end Andee finally gave in.
I put some more laundry in, ran to the grocery to get some lunch, now im sitting at Rachaels with dye & bleach in my hair, Rachael tried to battle Andee but Rachael lost. The bottle is still full & Andee is sleeping... in a few moments im going to wash this dye out & lay by the pool until I have to head over to my parents for Bens birthday/ Cristals graduation party!

5. My Defination of Love

Love. L.O.V.E. Love.
To me love is a warm cookie with soft vanilla ice cream on top.
Love is a nice cold dr.pepper first thing in the morning.


Ok Seriously L.O.V.E is many things.
To me love is showing passion in something.
Showing compassion to others.
Putting someone elses happiness before yours.

To me love is making dinner for my family.
making sure they wake up and have everything they need.
making sure they have full bellies before bed.