Oh 25..

I always joke that I cant believe im turning 25!
Im half way to 50 for goodness sake!

I always had my life planned out.
Married, all the kids birthed by 27... yada yada
Yep didnt turn out exactly how I planned.
But in my last 25 years of life i have learned a lot.
I have learned who I dont want to marry.
In which I found the one I long want to marry. Mr Pitstick.
I have a handsome, smart, funny son. Mr. Kristofer.
I have an amazing family.
Whom I wouldnt of been able to get through the last 25 years without.
I love my Parents. (even dad who puts socks in my face, i love you Dad)
Without them I wouldnt even get to turn 25!
I have had MANY MANY jobs,
resulting in me knowing what I want to and dont want to have a career in.

Something I never thought could be done by me,
has made me realize that there isnt anything I cant do.
Nothing too hard for me to face.
No battle worth giving up.
Our precious Mara.

I have met many new people.
Learned from them all and kept the good ones close to my heart.
Still meeting new people,
learning new things at work.
and loving my family ive been blessed with.

Happy 25 years to me.
I may joke but I cant wait for the next 25.

The Rough Days

There is always going to be rough days in life.
There will always be days where it seems like the sun doesn't shine at all.
I can feel one of those days approaching.

Kristofer has had a rough time with me working so much.
I feel like I hardly see him with the crazy hours I work.
Because of this he has been very moody & emotional.
I feel like he is suffering & I'm missing out.
But what is the solution?
I cant just stop working.

There are also days when you just wake up with "The Ache"
There isn't any way to make it stop.
You just have to let it go through your heart & hope it isn't as bad as the last time.
I miss her.
I look at her hospital pictures.
& than I cant help but hop on over to check for recent pictures.
Even if there isn't any I still take a minute to look at how much shes grown.
& than i cant help but think of how much ive missed out,
& just how beautiful she is.
There will always be those days.
At the end of those days when the sun starts to shine again,
I remember what she has, what she needed, who her Mother is,
& than there is the rainbow after the storm.

Its Amazing..

Birth Moms Deserve Our Respect

Why all the conversations about adoption leave out a key player.

When I gave birth to my son two years ago, I was stunned by the depth of my feelings—not the love, I expected that. It was the sense that the life of this baby was now more important than my own. I would fight a mountain lion or step in front of a truck to protect him. I would even, if I had to, send him to my parents to live, if my husband and I could no longer provide the best care for him. That doesn’t make me special—it just means I’m a mother, same as hundreds of millions of other women. No matter whether it’s staying home, going to work, raising their kids alone or choosing to leave their children in order to provide for them, there is nothing most of us would not do to ensure our childrens’ safety. And, for some Moms, giving their children the best chance at a good life means making the most excruciating sacrifice of all: placing them up for adoption.

We hear a lot about adoption, but usually only when things go wrong or a celebrity is involved. We talk plenty about the kids themselves and the selfless families taking them in—whether they’re fictional scenarios like the adoption storyline on Glee, or all-too-real news footage from Haiti, Ethiopia, or China. But our culture still seems to show so little respect and support for the women who choose adoption in the face of an unexpected pregnancy. Rarely do we focus, in a positive way, on the birth mothers, aside from picking the most relevant stereotyped assumptions: “Pregnant teen, crack addict, prostitute, trash, etc.”

For the better part of the 20th century, adoption was seen as exploitative and cruel to birth mothers. Since single motherhood and abortion were not readily accepted options, women and girls were often forced by their families into hasty marriages or hustled into homes where their babies were taken without their informed consent. But now adoption has come out of hiding—indeed, both domestic and international adoptions have become increasingly common. One would think that women or teenage girls would be able to explore this option free of the guilt and shame. But as Amy Benfer wrote last month at Salon.com when discussing the reaction to notable on-screen pregnancies: “By the end of 2008, you could be forgiven for believing there was absolutely no way to portray a young unmarried woman who happened to be pregnant in a responsible manner: Juno was too smart, funny and likable; Katherine Heigl in ‘Knocked Up’ was too pretty and too happy; the Gloucester girls were too poor and too dumb; Jamie Lynn Spears was too rich and too dumb; Bristol Palin was too privileged and too Republican. When MTV came out with ‘16 and Pregnant’ in the summer of 2009, it was more of the same: the girls were too trashy or too popular; bad mothers for dropping out of school, or unrealistic role models for other, less privileged girls, should they continue with school.”

For Elizabeth Bartholet, professor of law and faculty director of the Child Advocacy Program at the Harvard Law School, society’s distrust of birth mothers reveals our enduring bias for biological families. “It is very deeply ingrained in our society that all kids belong where they came from, it’s unnatural to give them up. So we stigmatize surrendering the child ... but most young unmarried women who give birth are not in a good position to raise their child. What if we allowed people to think it’s also natural to give their children to somebody else to raise?” Don’t believe that we’re so biased against birth moms? Do a little thought experiment with me—imagine it’s the 2008 presidential race all over again. What do you think the response would have been if Bristol Palin had announced she was having her baby but placing it for adoption? Something tells me she wouldn’t have been hailed as a real-life Juno but as a selfish promiscuous tart who doesn’t care about her baby.

To me, it also indicates a strain of our culture that is not yet ready to accept that a mother’s love might dictate placing her child with somebody else to raise and instead dismisses her as unnatural. As Adam Pertman, executive director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute explained to me, “Our society has lifted much of the stigma of single motherhood, but still finds it difficult to support a woman who is, as they see it, abandoning her child. These women are told: ‘How can you possibly give up your child? What kind of person could do that?’ So while adoption is listed as viable option, it’s a choice that’s rarely made.” Indeed, the number of newborn babies available for adoption has remained flat for almost two decades while the number of unmarried women having children has soared.

What if we stopped pretending we lived in a world where the traditional nuclear family is the norm and accepted birth mothers into the fold of family life? We’ve certainly managed to do that in the world of reproductive medicine where we welcome offspring as biological even if the child was the product of donated sperm and egg. And we’ve somehow managed to accept a bewildering array of familial choices from multiple stepparents, two moms, or a single grandparent. But, thanks to society’s misgivings and misconceptions about adoption, birth mothers are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. By indicating that placing a child for adoption is a selfish or painless choice when it’s not, or talking about birth mothers as if they were all crack-addled prostitutes or at the very least wayward youth, we not only limit a woman’s right to choose but also shut out the possibility that there are other people out there who would love to adopt. Why not try respecting these women as mothers able to make the best decision for themselves and their pregnancies—even if that decision is not to parent?

Not sure why I do this to myself.

Everything To Me from Mark Schultz on Vimeo.

Is It Always Going To Be This Way...

Some days I wonder if its always going to be this way.
The way when someone asks how many kids do you have?
What do I reply? I have one son but I have birthed 2 children...
Will I ever stop considering her mine?
Is it wrong to even feel that she is mine?
Dont get me wrong I am beyond proud to call my self a birth mother.
I am proud to be a birth mother in the era where its ok, were we are praised and not looked down on.
Whenever some one asks how many children I have and I just answer one,
my heart breaks a little.
I can feel that scab being ripped open all over again.
Will it forever sting when Im asked how many children I have,
or will that ache slowly go away when I answer one?

May is always such a tough month.
I was finally on my own facing a pregnancy by myself.
Rights signed, and there was no one stopping me from making the choices I needed to make.
Memorial day is the day I found Josh & Lizzy.
The day I sat at my parents computer, and felt chills as I saw their profile.
Knowing just than that they were it.
There was no choice to be made.
I was going to entrust these two people to love my daughter.
That beautiful woman on the screen in front of me was going to be my baby girls mother.
She was the one I was going to entrust with enough kisses for two mothers.
& he, he was going to be the dad my little girl would never have with me.

At this time I hadnt set a name or anything because deep down I was trying not to get too attached.
She was just my little girl.
Maybe not forever, but until November she was Mine.

"God didn't promise days without pain,
laughter without sorrow,
sun without rain,
but He did promise
strength for the day,
comfort for the tears,
and light for the way"

I sure do have a precious little boy.
Love Him.

Catching up

This past weekend Kristofer, Andy & I ventured out to San Diego California.
This vacation was much needed for everyone involved.
We arrived late Friday night, a mishap at the DMV almost prevented us from going.
No need to worry, we prevailed.. (with suspended plates, driving on hopes & dreams that the police would be easy on us, in the incident we got pulled over)
I did all the driving. Let me tell you that 6 hours, with one little stop in Yuma is LONG!
Saturday we woke up...early... Andys niece's live there with his parents.
The joys of sharing a room with a 1 yr old that cries at 5 am..
Took a little trip to the beach. It was freezing!
Kristofer although found it perfect weather to boogy board.
Dont know how he pulled it off, i was wrapped in towels the entire time!
There was a US Navy HoverCraft thing on the beach.
Andy was obsessed and just HAD to watch it leave the beach.
Of course we got it on video & i have to admit it was pretty awesome to see such a huge piece of metal hovering above the ground!
Sunday we went to Lego Land. I have to admit it was pretty amazing!
Everything built out of tiny lego pieces, Seriously!
Kristofer had a blast so did Andy. We took Andys niece Eastonne, she is such a good little girl!\
Sunday night was spent just the 5 of us, Andys parents went to Disney that day, and didnt get home til much later. We ate Mongolian for dinner and watched Toy Story 2 until we fell asleep.
Monday we made the long drive home. Making it home around 10:30 pm.
It was a really fun weekend I will post pictures very very soon.
Yesterday was meant for car cleaning and laundry, but my lovely Andrew forgot the keys in his pocket & took them to work.
It was a nice morning for a walk from his home to mine ( about 2 miles) & a pretty dang good reason to catch up on sleep ALL DAY!
Back to work today. The usual catty drama of my cashiers who range from 20-30. I swear i just want them to go where i need them to without complaining! If i need you to be the garden cashier go there, dont whine and stomp your feet about how much you hate it, we all do things we hate just do it! Today the decided to short us a break cashier so i spent most my morning in different areas giving breaks. Its not that fun when you have your phone ringing with people that need your "magic numbers" the minute your off the register, running Self Check Out plus your own register ( a total of 5) with some customer telling you that he should be able to use his coupon today because its only 2 days early so can he please just have the discount on his 400.00 purchase. & of course i have to give it to him because thats what we do at the Depot, we please our customers in every way possible.
Any who. kristofers last day of kindy-garden is the 27th. I cant believe he will be in the 1st grade! He is growing too fast. Little miss Mara is also growing like a weed! I cant believe how stinkin cute that girl is! If you havent checked out her parents blog you should, shes cute. & so is her brand new little sister! yes the little girl is now a littel big sister.

Until my next post with a million pictures, have a great and fabulous day..