This month marks one year of me getting pregnant.
Its so hard to look back at the months before that.
I was so sad, I was so lonely, I didn't know who I was or where I was headed.
Something that seemed like a disaster,
has somehow helped me find who I am.
In the last year so many things have changed.
So many lives have been touched.
From a crisis pregnancy.
Its a scary thought when I sit back and think about where I was headed,
If this Angel wasnt sent to me.
I automatically knew my choice the day I found out I was pregnant.
It wasnt even something I questioned.
I was scared to death.
People that dont know me so well want to think that maybe my family had influence in my choice.
No they didnt.
Who was I to say " You dont deserve what I had. Parents that planned for you. A family that has be anxiously waiting for you"
This month has been and probably will be one of the most changing for me.
My Angel turns 3 months old today.
Crazy how long ago that was, but just how tender the scares still are.
I am doing my first outreach to a high school of girls on 3/12.
Im nervous, excited & anxious to be able to share my story with them and be a part of something amazing.
I am going for my very first visit to Josh & Lizzy.
Man I cant wait to hold that girl and tell her I love her from my own mouth.
To kiss her little face & remind her that I miss her every single breath that I take.
To breath in her beautiful baby smell because It feels like its been forever since i held her in my arms.
I thank my heavenly father every single day for sharing Mara with me.
For letting her come into my life.
She alone has saved me.

Eight months to the day almost that I very first met Josh & Lizzy in person. I get to see them again! Feb 20th is coming so quick I cant even handle it! 16 days and Ill be holding that little angel and hugging those 2 people that I have changed their lives! I am getting so excited! We booked the hotel, now it seems so real! I cant wait to hold her and see her little round face!

Family Picture Wall

Can I please just have this picture up on the wall! I mean really does it look that bad! Mom says No No No that she wants to see my hair. Hey you can see my hair its out of my fur!! Imma just put a picture up when I was a very little baby so NO one knows what i really look like.. Common Momma I just want to keep everyone updated with my new look lol!

New Year New Look

So I changed my hair yet again.. The blond thing just wasnt working out for me. I did although have to do it TWO times. The first time some how it ended with a VERY red tint and I looked like the " Wendys Girl" Andy said. Next day I got it to exactly what I was looking for, thank goodness. I mean really me as the "Wendys Girl" I have a new boyfriend and I can honestly state he makes me laugh and smile, and can handle me at my worst so he for sure deserves me at my best. Kristoferis growing so much its crazy. I still dont see how he looks like me in anway. Josh and I are going to look at schools on Thursday and hopefully get him enrolled without too much of a hassle from Josh. We all know how he is. Jordan is still Jordan. We have good laughs and good cries but at the end of the day there are things we need each other for. Its a new year and time to make up for all the years I was just pretending to be happy!

2 Months Already!

Two months already! Yes I may have my bad days, some are much harder than others, but this is what I made these choices for! Her crying, smiling, or just huge eyes! She is beautiful! Josh and Lizzy called last night to let me know that yes I can come see Mara and them next month! I am beyond excited! I am sure I wont sleep much til that day! She has changed SOO much. These months have flown by with out a doubt! I am very lucky and greatful for every ounce of support I get from all my family! Thank you for being there on my rough days.!

Sometimes I dont know how,
I managed to get myself here.
How I hurt the people that matter most,
How many people I have let down.
Somewhere I lost who I am.
I lost what makes me happy.
My self worth has dwindled into none.
Every day brings new emotion & pain.
Some one is always asking.
Days like today I just want to forget,
not for forever
but just for a minute...

A New Year Already

Another year has come and gone. Last year was for sure a hard one.
This year is already looking up.